Annie Get Your Gun-and return it!!!

Good LORD! My days of shooting targets with my faithful M16 rifle in the U.S.Army are long gone. Heavy emphasis on LONG. I have been driving myself insane looking at the growing flock of European Starlings that are feeding on my lawn every single day.

 Morning, afternoon and evening they come for a bite. I put out my trap, not a look. I took aim with my old pellet handgun-a joke. I even tried with a slingshot…that is just dangerous in my hands. I could not even get close. So after listening to some good advice given on the Purple Martin Clubhouse forum, I go against the advice and go cheap. Who needs a >$300.00 pellet gun anyway?  I purchased a Remington 77 Airmaster from Walmart. At $75.00, how could I go wrong? I excitedly got it ready, attaching the scope, ready all instructions, popping out the screen on the starlings favorite side of the house. Then I proceeded to work my untoned triceps to the point of complete muscle fatigue. The instructions read pump at LEAST 3 times to 10 times. SO I stuck with 6 pumps. Unfortunately after the first pump my arms were shaking like a bowl of Jell-O. After the 20th or so, pellet I decided that this is a gun for the young and I didn’t feel so young anymore. At least not after pumping that thing up. Wow, was I sore! My arms could not be lifted higher than my waist. It took all my strength to lift the box back in my car to take it back to Walmart for a refund. So back to square one.

Did I then go with my fellow landlords experienced and fine advice? Heck no! I am a woman and a wife. What does a man know anyway? (just kidding) But unfortunately, no I did not listen. Instead I went to the brand new Dicks and browsed their selection of pellet rifles. They had several cheap models that I thought were somewhat equivalent to the Remington…but this time I was going to move up to something better. Right? Spend a little more, get something better. That was my plan. Just how much more though…hmmm.

 This time I purchased a Crossman G1 Extreme. Good weight, felt “substantial”, mega big cool scope. Made the Remington scope look like a Timex next to a Rolex. OK, so off I go. I had a little quickness to my step, my arms were beginning to feel alive again. Straight home to the window.

I was impressed at the break barrel pump which meant only one pump. I like that! No more gym membership included with purchase. One pump and shoot. OK, take aim, breath, exhale, squeeze…KAPOW!!! Good grief! Are you joking me? Did I mistakenly buy a real gun? My first reaction was to run to the restroom. My second reaction was to check the ceiling for the pellet, my next reaction? Pack that thing up and RUN, not walk, back to that store. Laughing all the way and secretly glad that I was not home, just in case the police come driving by looking for someone shooting a gun.

Next plan? Start saving my quarters.

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